Motivations - Oh what a jerk I am

Let me set the stage, as it were, by telling you I've written a script about my perception of what the Apostle Peter's testimony would have been at the end of his life. It's based primarily on numerous Bible accounts, but still must be characterized as ficitional. I entitled it "Simon Peter: I Witness" and have performed the piece as a one-man characterization around the United States for about four years now. (And available to come to your hometown if you'd only ask!)

Anyway, in the script I recall a section I wrote right after Peter recounts his first meeting with Jesus. It reads, "Let me confess to you a little about the man Jesus met that day. I was somewhat of a jagged, erratic, rebellious sort, often overeager and fairly undependable. Some have kindly said I have a naturally dominant personality. But I was what I was - a jerk."

Of course, I'd become quite fond of Simon Peter long before I had ever started writing about him. He's probably my favorite of the apostles. Add in the extensive research and efforts to dramatize him and this has only served to make me love him more. Yet, am I the only person seeing a lot of myself in Simon bar Jonah?

Over the course of time as we're first introduced to Simon in the gospel accounts of the Bible until we say goodbye to him at the end of his second letter to the church, its remarkable to look at the transformation that seemingly took place in this man. And he gives all the credit to having come to know Jesus Christ...better. Read sometime how he opens 1 Peter and you'll see he says it far better than I ever could. Then again you might want to consider what he writes at the beginning of 2 Peter, as well.

Regardless, today my intent is to confess a really bad jerk moment I had this week. I came down unduly hard on another person because of something they inferred, from whence I presummed their statement indicated they probably believed something about a certain section of the Bible that to my thinking suggested an underlying misconception of God overall. To quote my lightning response I said, "You need to get your theology straight!!!!" (I might even have shaken a finger at them in so saying.) The statement was made in a group setting only magnifying the insensitivity, unlovingness and a total out-of-line trait that benefited no one and only served to hurt the feelings of the person I should, at the very least, have had a good deal more decorum with. Like for starters finding out if what I thought I heard was really indicative of what they even meant to say. I've been told I have one of those radio voices, that when combined with an in-your-face personality, I at times am perceived as being a "spiritual bully." And well, if the shoe fits...?

Naturally, I'm inclined to rationalize my behavior, suggesting this is only a reflection of my huge passion for the truth about Jesus Christ and that any besmirch of Him means you've insulted me. Afterall, Christians are called ambassdors for Christ so don't be messin' wif my homey, dawg.

But honestly, I can't rationalize this jerkiness at all. Regardless of my passions Jesus has said, "Take My yoke (ah yes, that restricting harness used on undomesticated beasts of burden) upon you. Let "Me" (italics mine obviously) teach you, because I am humble (I'm sure that means the total opposite of arrogant) and gentle, (really Jesus-like gentle no doubt) and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light." Matthew 11:29 and 30.

Alas, if this were to be the last time I ever did something so thoughtless, but I doubt I'll ever stop totally freaking out when I think a person has said something that sounds really stupid. (I consider it part of my charm, after all.) But, the Apostle James provided wise counsel with his instruction, "Whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God above, who created all heaven's lights...In His goodness He chose to make us His own children by giving us His true word. And we, out of all creation, became His chosen possession. Therefore my dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, SLOW TO SPEAK, (oops must have hit CAPS LOCK there) and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God's sight.
So, get rid of all filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the message God has planted in your hearts, for it is strong enough to save your souls.
And remember, it is a message to obey, not just to listen to. If you don't obey, you are only fooling yourself. For if you just listen and don't obey, it is like looking at your face in a mirror but doing nothing to improve your appearance." James 1: 17-23.

That sure sounds an awful lot like 1 Peter 2:1, "So get rid of all malicious behavior and deceit. Don't just pretend to be good! Be done with hypocrisy and jealousy and backstabbing." Hmm. I think I'm going to have to get a card for that person I was such a jerk to this week and ask them to forgive me. Because regardless of whatever basis of belief is motivating what they believe, I know what is supposed to be motivating me...and Jesus sure doesn't need me to "throw down" in order to show I'm standing up for Him, does He? I think maybe if I was simply a better reflection of what He's already taught me then that yoke wouldn't feel so much like the noose it does right now.

Ever yours regardlessly,

mike